AskMen Reader
I am a young mother in my early 20s with one child. I have recently starting reading about dating. What I came across shocked me. I saw people saying nasty stuff about how single mothers will only get shitty men and how a lot of men would never date a woman with a child. I saw men saying that they are trashy, selfish, and to sum it up that they should die alone. It brought me to tears. Is this really true? Do most men feel this way? be honest.
Dating
No its not true. I have one really great brother in law that proves that wrong!
The internet allows you to see the thoughts of all kinds of individuals. Unfortunately, we tend to only believe those who are negative. Think about it; you can already prove that every man doesn't feel this way.Some of what you're seeing is a reaction to a certain type of woman, who sometimes becomes a single mother. If men have interactions only with those kinds of single mothers, the less logical ones attribute it to her single status.
The other important thing to remember is that decent men don't talk about women in the ways you read. Men who do so rarely have a handle on the ways of the world.
Now, that doesn't mean every young guy wants to be a father right away or will want to deal with your schedule. And that's okay. You don't need all men to find you interesting.
A child is a handicap in the dating world, not a death knell. You don't have as much flexibility as a childless woman would, and there are men who don't want to raise another man's child.But what matters now is how you deal with the fact. You can get all upset over some negative comments, or you can go forward with a positive attitude. Many women, and men, with children find wonderful partners. Be positive.
I hate dated women with children in the past. Going forward I'd prefer not to date women with kids. I tend to run into a lot of soft mother's who raise their children like they are friends. Kids running rampant, no structure, rude as hell, etc. Leaves a bad taste.*I'm not saying they are bad mother's. They just tend to be softies especially to their boys.*
The truth is what you get is a function of how much you work trying to find someone, how high you shoot for, how much you put up with, and what else you have to offer.Is it a big hit in your attractiveness. Absolutely, there is not denying it. 1) You now are responsible(money time and affection) for someone else child, 2) The child always has to come first. 3) Is the dad still in the picture?
So how are your looks? How are you in the bedroom? Are you a financial basket case? Are you responsible? How is your morals and ethics? How potential growth/self development can we expect in you? In addition, to your personality being attractive. You can make up for a lot if you are willing to work hard, and are a good judge of people.
At the end of the day, a man is going to do the risk vs. reward analysis on you.
Honestly, many dont want single mothers because they dont want to raise some other guys kid. They also feel that she is desperate to secure male support now that she is pulling the weight alone.These are valid points that men do consider.
But there are many men who have kids as well and dont have issues with a single mom.
There are many kinds of single mom sterotypes we see everywhere in society...welfare baby mamas with a p ack of baby daddy progeny in tow. These exist in society so when you state that you are a single mom, many see that image in their mind.
You cannot change what people think so dont worry about it. Live your best life for you and your child.
Also, some men are wondering how you became a single mom. Did you just want a sperm donor? Were you hoping to repair a far gone damaged relationship with a child? Will the next guy who has a relationship with you be left high and dry? Either due to prior plans or because you are just psycho?Or did you have a loving responsible relationship with the child's father that pre dated conception and well, it just didn't work out.
If someone refuses to date you simply because you have a child that is their loss. Women end up being single parents for a myriad of reasons as do some men. If my marriage ended and I decided to pursue another relationship, my potential partner would know up front that it is a package deal. While I don't expect another man to raise my child nor do I need him to as I make a very decent living, my child is my priority. Take it or leave it.
I leave damaged packages like you all the time, for the simps and beta males to receive.
You are the EXACT single mother example that NO man in his right mind would ever date. Your child is YOUR priority. Case closed. And this is why men should never date a single mother. If you want a man to be in your life and you are a single mother then the most important ambition you should have is that he is invested in raising your child with you. You have clearly states the man is just a resource and has zero power in your family life. AVOID THIS TYPE OF SINGLE WOMAL LIKE SHE IS CANCER. She will ruin your life. Better yet, don't even take the chance. Avoiod single mothers and you don't have to deal with any of the BS ever. There a litterally MILLIONS of other women in your state alone. Billions worldwide. Why be a beeeoche's pay pig to another man's baaastard?
I can understand where you're coming from. However would you prefer a woman who is looking for a man to rake care of her and her kids? Or one who says she's looking for love again not someone to fill in where she lacks. I've heard both spectrums from other men and I suppose those would just not be suitable for a single mom at all. It's like they want to be needed and paid attention to but not the responsibility/obligation.
Children shouldn’t be #1 priority in your life. This is the main reason men won’t date women with kids. Your partner/spouse should always come first. Children are a byproduct of a relationship, they aren’t the centerpiece. Especially so if those children come from another relationship. If you don’t figure this out you’ll be single for a very long time or you’ll settle for some subpar bloke.
I don't think single mothers are inherently undateable, but at this point in time, I can't imagine myself being a stepfather.I think it's understandable that men want to date single,childless women. You have less options as a single mother, but it's still possible for you to find a man to date......single with or without a kid.
T
My father was a step father to my half sister. She treated him like shit and my mother did nothing about it. My father bought her new cars, paid for gas, insurance, her college and never asked her to do a thing around the house or give her a curfew or anything. Yet my sister never had a kind word for him and was ungrateful. I don't talk to her anymore. And this is why you never want to be the step father of females. They are totally entitled beeeoches.
Since there are a lot of step-fathers out there, I would think that fact alone would prove them wrong. And I don’t think most men would be hesitant to date a single mother as they would be in marrying one. Most men would be wondering if she was wanting a man for himself or for the income that he would bring in. So that fear or suspicion would have to be allayed pretty early on. The second biggie would be the willingness of the single mom to have his kids. Lastly, would be the amount of drama with ex.
I have no idea what you're talking about. Seems like single moms get more attention than me and I'm single, no kids, independent and have no drama. I guess some men prefer single moms because they wanna "rescue" someone ...then there's other guys who think single moms are hard up for sex and easier to get laid with.
AskMen Reader
No, it's because Mom's in general have decided to sell themselves better either KNOWING they bring another person to the table, and the fact they are a lot more approachable and WARMER personality because they have a kid. Most Single Girls without kids have SHITTY (Super selfish) personalities and are COMPLETELY unapproachable on a grand scale of things.But this does NOT MEAN I'll take a single mom over a girl with no kids, I would rather have a girl with no kids with a great personality (do i have to mention i have to be attracted to her as much as she is to me physically? this goes without saying). And i'll wait until the day I die before I find myself with a single mom, that's how much bullshit I think a Single Mom carries.
Single mothers are easy and we can get out easy too. Plus the single mother is desperate for cock. Government is the new baby daddy and the alpha males will keep encouraging this behavior. Empowering women only fuels the loose women lifestyles. The B guys are working for all those single mothers on food stamps anyways, might as well get some action.
"Do men really avoid single mothers like the plague?"I've dated many single moms. They come with lots of baggage. That doesn't mean they're all crazy idiot twits. Some really have thier shit together, some less so. All are pink on the inside.
I guarantee you are a black man. Black men love hitting mom vag. They know these women are desperate and easy marks for a player. They are all pink on the inside gave it away. The fact you dated "many" proves you are nothing but a predator and user of women. You backhanded compliment of these women is meaningless. Why? You didn't marry a single one of them. The woman who wrote the question doesn't care about dating...she wants a beta bux provider to pay for her kids. That means marriage.
Nat_Aki is an angry spirit who got his hopes and dreams destroyed when he was young so now all he can think about doing is going through single mom forums of advice to write any hate comment that he pushes out of his butthole to try to make others feel miserable as well
There are men that would love you and your baby. I think men tend to be hesitant about single moms.but men are like dogs sometimes you have to give them a bone.. And I think single moms a hesitant about letting men into the there and baby's life too for many reasonable reasons. If i were you. I would hit the dating sites. And be freindly if you see men during daily activities with the intention of screening them to see if there safe to be around. No drug dealers or thugs. Think of the baby's health and your future. You will have to screen dozens of men before one seems healthy enough to take a chance. There are many good guys out there. But there are also many bad guys. So start screening guys . Alot of guys think starting a relationship with a single mom means there going to be put in second or third place because the baby is number one. And that isn't very rewarding and even alittle scary So be gentle with that subject .of course the baby is first but you don't have to rub it in there face. There's a guy out there that will love the baby and care for the baby as good as you. Don't abuse or be abused. No thugs. I know so many healthy guys out there that work and are family orientated..dont let the baby see you kissing and hugging until you find a good guy. And don't let anyone near the baby unless there healthy people. Meet people on the sidewalk or porch first. Or screen them through telephone or texting.
The fact is that you have a wonderful gift who`s your baby. There are plenty of men who wouldn`t date a single mom. Those ones are not for you. There are also other men who don`t mind at all dating single moms. You have to look within that range and choose one who totally likes you and your baby.My friend has three young children and it turns out that a guy she met on a dating site really really liked her and wanted to have her and her kids as a family he could take care of. He loved her personality and found that she is attractive (not ****ty). A cousin of mine also had young children and found a very caring man in her social worker. They married and are still together after some ... I forget the number of years, but it`s been several years now.
So yes, you have a future, and having a baby is also your future and screens out the weed. Don`t ever be discouraged because you are a single mom. The dating world is tough even for women without children. Having a child only screens out the guys you shouldn`t be with. Good luck!
First of all it is a breach of ethics to date a client if you are social worker. That is predatory behavior and can easily get you fired. Second, any man who is super duper excited about taking care of a woman's kids is putting out pedo vibes and should be high suspect by any rational person. But desperate women are not rational which is why they can be victimized. The normal behavior for men is to NOT want to raise other men's children. This is the baseline of NORMAL. Deviation from this is ABNORMAL. Telling yourself otherwise will put the woman and kids into jeopardy. There are only a few exception. One, the man has kids and he is cool with a Brady Bunch family. Two, he is sterile and can't have kids. Three, his kids are grown and he is older and doesn't really care about raising her kids but just wants his laundry done and some oral from time to time. Other than those instances no men want to take care of other men's kids. The last exception is the beta cuck loser that fills his emptiness with the desperate need to feel useful. These men are doormats and they are harmless but if a woman uses such a man she will abuse him. Both are better left alone.
@Nat_Aki Wow you must be so bored with your life you don’t know what to do besides go through single mom forums and write the nastiest thing you can spit out to discourage good woman who work hard and make them feel bad. The type of woman your talking about is a 50/50. Not all woman are like this so grow up and act like an adult.
AskMen Reader
First of all, I don't currently bring a child with me. I would expect the same in my mate if this relationship were anything about equality. Because it's not fair a woman is going to bring another person in my life other than herself, whilst the DNA of another man who decided not to take care of the child, and then it becomes my responsibility.Find a single Dad is your best option, or a guy who is really BETA who will take care of everything for you. You REALLY need to offer up A LOT because you ARE eventually expecting the man to marry you WITH your child who's the child of ANOTHER MAN, you want the man to LOVE your child. Single Mom's are JUST AS SELFISH to think a man is just going to take care of her shit.
It depends on why the mom is single. To be fair a widow or woman who was abandoned is not the same as a woman who did not make wise life choices. In general, men do not want to be a plug in dad for a failed relationship. Hear is the simple breakdown:
1) Not being #1 - A man does not want to be penciled in to a busy schedule behind laundry, soccer practice and everything else.
2) Baggage - enough said
3) NMK - Not My Kids. Being in a home with someone else's children opens doors for being disrespected and used as a convenient source of work and income. Kids can be evil too.
4) The Ex - Having a scorned male lurking in the shadows can be enough to drive a single guy away. Imagine being in a relationship where the woman still has feelings for "Him". That puts a man in a real bad position.
5) Every reason why the first marriage failed - Marriage is suppose to be a lifetime bond that people work hard to maintain. Our world is full of disposable everything including marriages. It is just as easy to dump you as it was to dump the ex....NO THANKS
You can't put all single mom's down some are widows some were immature and had a child young but the majority have baggage and dating rule 1 is avoid those with lots of baggage
No, I am in love with a single mother that feels she can't be in a relationship because she doesn't have enough time for me and feels wrong about her kids growing so attached to me. I am more than willing to make the necessary sacrifices needed and have made that clear to her, but she can't get it out of her head the feeling that she's been alone for so long that she thinks she needs to be to succeed in parenting and her work life. If anything, that is the only thing that would worry me about dating another single mom. I still love my ex dearly, and her kids.. and honestly the job she was doing with no help was a turn on, but I'm not sure I can change her mind.
Dude....wake up bruh. You are her backup. She is waiting for something better to come along. If she doesn't have time for you it is because she is out riding the c@ck carousel looking for the bigger better deal. She is cheating on you man. Most women will not pass up a mealticket for their kids. Her sexual market value is rock bottom man but she is too arrogant to realize this, which makes even more dangerous to you. Be grateful she doesn't want to marry you. Find somebody else. Move on.
I feel so bad for you. Sincerely, you have been hurt and are projecting your personal experiences and pain on everyone around you. “She’s cheating” “riding a cawk carousel” etc. I’m a single mom, my ex husband was the last man I slept with nearly 3 years ago. I’m pretty, get approached often, yet I’ve decided not to date to heal and better myself as a person. I hope you find healing, love, and happiness.
I’m dealing with that rn . She says she had trust issues now bc I was still talking to someone when I said I wasn’t but that was bc I was insecure. everything happened so fast I felt like all her problems were thrown on me . Her last relationship was physical and mental abuse relationship. She has a kid with the guy Nd he has a baby mom too. I’m on a mission to getting it together. hope she does too. she blocked me . She said “I’m doing me “ whatever that means
I have a neighbour who revealed to me he will always have more than one woman on the go from different ends of the city and they all have kids. Why? For convenience...he can be almost certain where they will be when they arnt with him. A woman without responsibilities can turn up on his door with a bottle of red at any time and he doesn't want that!
I find that the single mothers mindset has changed from caring only about themselves to now having to care about another life. Now she rather have security with the B class guy because none of the washboard guys wants to settle with the already mother, they may sleep with the single mother, because their easy. A plus : you know they like to have sex with no rubbers. But if the guy really thinks with their head above their shoulders and not with the head below their belt, they will realize this nut you get will cost more than a top dollar **** and with added stress. As a guy we have time, just wait on the young girl that you can provide wisdom and security. I want to believe that there are still loyal monogamous women that have moral values, haha yea right we are a generation of ****s! Just spread your body fluids and DNA around with anyone who who is willing. Sharing is caring.
You had better have your head on straight and do everything twice as good as the rest of them if you ever want to stand a chance with a decent, normal man. Yes, it is twice as hard to find a guy willing to take on the responsibilities of a human being that is not his but definitely not impossible if you stand out for all of the right reasons. Good luck!
Yes i will date a single mother because of her relationship experience and i will lover her children and treat them very well. Single mother’s are the best woman to marry.Yes, if a kind-hearted, lovable single mother comes my way i will marry her.
She Has Enough Knowledge About Relationships. A woman who knows more about a man can handle a man well. She can understand the inner world of a man and what makes or breaks him. This might help her offer better companionship to a man.
You are a Simp,,,you will fall and get hurt hard because of it
Even if god himself told me to marry a single mom I would Sin because I won’t do itJust me though lol
Single mothers are for simps and single fathers..
Single mums who still have kids with them can obviously keep it together. They're generally more organised and better at spotting bullshit. They're also grateful for a good relationship, because they've had it go wrong in the past. Another good thing, you know whether they're taking it seriously or not.
Ultimately, it depends on the communication. Do they have boundaries with their exes and rules for their children, and will they talk about these with you?
Yep, that is pretty much accurate. No way I would sink that low as to date a single mother.
Are you a white woman with a half black child? If so, you should just accept that no white man who is not a loser beta cuck will ever date you let alone marry you. If the kid is white and you don't come across as complet trash and undermine his authority in preference to your child then you have a 40% chance of marriage with the men you date. Most men have learned that marrying a woman with kids just turns him into a castrated pay pig, especially if the child is a girl. She will NEVER respect him and YOU will make sure of that. In fact I would say your chances drop if your children are female and go up if male. I wouldn't give a woman the time of day if she had a daughter. They are the worst. Any man that would, is probably a pedophile.
I had my first child at 18 was married at 19 had my second at 22. Meanwhile after having my first I went to college and my husband to the marines. When I found out I was pregnant with our second I was applying to nursing school. My husband/my children’s father died 2 months before our second in 2017. I gave birth to our second daughter in July 2017. I started nursing school in August of 2017. Graduated with my BSN in 2019 all while raising my two daughters. I’m 25 now and I still look like I’m fresh out of high school 5 feet 127 and in my second semester of pediatric nurse practitioner school. So yes I’m a single mother just like you and we may not have the same circumstances of why we’re single mothers, but I’m a woman who have children and no partner. So with that being said if a man does or don’t want to date you marry you so what! Get something behind your name and make them be shook when they see that you not just the typical baby mama or you’re just a woman that live off the state. That mindset right there is what men feed off of they see you as desperate and just looking for love which makes you seem weak and useable. When you need to carry yourself as not being disposable with or without a child. Grown women recognize Grown men. **** boys are in their own category.
As a successful, clean, well mannered, childless single man I will not date a single mother. They should have thought about their choices in men before getting knocked up
In my opinion only men that claim this false alpha title. The men who are up to the task and reward of earning the title of stepfather are called weak betas. We know the reward for being a stepfather is measured in the success of your stepkids. If the single mother has recovered from the trauma of her part relationships then I'm interested. But I know my worth and if she feels as she is settling for me then I am out of there. Western women have the home field advantage to getting one of the most sought after men on planet. A man who will strive to be the best possible stepfather and husband he can be should be valued. I am in my 40s and in great physical shape.i don't have or want biological kids due to genetic issues. Western single mothers can find greatest competition YouTube Filipino pea crazy ninja tactics. When I am ready I will find a future wife in the Philippines unless a western woman can show me the same sense of being valued. Go where you are celebrated not tolerated.
If a guy (especially if he is ugly and fat and makes under 50k a year) had a choice between a homely average looking woman with no kids or the hot sexy single mother, guess which one he will pick??? He will gladly play step dad to kids that aren't his if he finds her attractive. Also this is why I tell women that laying down with men is a huge risk and should be avoided at all costs. Staying single and celibate for Years is the best thing a woman can do and let these broken single men buy plastic vags.
These guys saying that men don't want single mother's is thrown out the window if they find the women physically attractive.
Moral of the story is stay away from men because you're value declines after laying down with them.
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